I’m back!!! Yes, I know I have been missing for a few days, I was caught up doing a Photoshop project for a local group that I really wanted to help them out. Unfortunately, I won’t be smashing 3 days together as I did for the two I missed earlier on. Trying to take on 3 topics that don’t necessarily mesh together very well just seems to break the flow of a single post.

I didn’t forget about you though, I’ve come up with the idea to share one of my biggest fears in the history of anything. Mannequins.

That’s right, those lifeless, plastic motherfuckers absolutely scare the hell out of me! I take pictures with them from time to time as a joke, usually because posing like one seems hilarious at the time. Yet when the sunsets or the stores become abandoned, these things lacking souls bother me. The idea that when I’m not looking that they start moving their screw joints closer and closer behind me until I spin around and they freeze again.

This fear was made real when I started playing Condemned: Criminal Origins. The game is littered with these fuax human beings, most the time being displayed at the scene of crimes by the game’s antagonist. Posing them in situations such as at a dinner table across from a corpse, surrounded by face-less, limb-less mannequin friends. The ad campaigns for the game were also mannequins with their heads caved in, showing nothing but darkness inside. These mannequins were dressed up as a “corpse” but the image was made more grotesque as their limbs were knocked off their body and placed at weird angles.

Condemned man1spoop2

From this, many people can surmise that it couldn’t get any creepier. “The Spoops can’t get any worse with mannequins, they’re all tapped out!” Oh, that’s where you are wrong.

Let me introduce you to the abandoned department store. This previously used JCPenny became the best spot to leave all these plastic men and women to rot, while the local homeless population decided to put down roots. This turns into a myriad of jump scares as the mannequins get moved around, placed in the most unsettling spots blocking your path. What’s worse is you swear you see some of them actually move. Not a trick of the eyes, not your mind playing games with your anxiety. You swear these buggers are moving.

Moments later, as you pass by the “moving” mannequin just brushing off the idea you had to protect yourself from it when suddenly the mannequin swings its arm and slaps you with a metal pipe. That’s when you notice the face looks like someone super glued pieces of plastic while the rest was painted gray just so they could blend in and play on your anxiety.

condemned man2

Congratulations game! You succeeded at that, because the first time I played this area, I nearly crapped my pants. My heart could have been seen popping out of my chest and my controller hitting the wall until I realized I needed to fight back and ran across the room to grab the Xbox Controller.

I have never found anything, other than Darkness and Spiders, that have terrified me as much as mannequins have. Condemned: Criminal Origins made it painfully clear that I was afraid of something made of plastic, amplified the fear I already had and cranked it to 11. In a nutshell, C:CO made me warier while I walk the mall, whether I should go through with the joke picture or stay as far away as possible.

Also would love to say, if you’ve never played this game, please go out and find a way to play it. An absolute gem and I would always recommend it to people, no matter how much it scared me.

-Reedicus Rex


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