So unless you’re living under a rock, you know that Spyro The Dragon is coming back.

Being remastered by Activision and Toys for Bob (Skylander’s dev), everyone’s favorite purple lizard is slated to come back from Nostalgia Land and onto PS4 and Xbox One this September. It looks to be fantastic, which is great since one of my favorite series as a kid happened to be the first 3 Spyro games. This, along with Crash Bandicoot being remastered not to long before it, makes me long for my childhood days and all the great times I had with many a game.

So as a treat for everyone, I sat down and started to think on what games should be next on the Remaster bandwagon and put together a list of my Top 10 Games I never knew I wanted remastered.

Just a note, some of these may just be games that should never be brought back into existence at all.  I mean we all saw Bubsy come back late last year, so maybe this is one list of monsters that shouldn’t be brought back to life. But fuck it, I’m already to far down the rabbit whole now so let’s begin.

10. Ehrgeiz: God Bless The Ring

erghiezreloaded

Starting off with a somewhat hidden gem that inspired a bunch of weird friendships in elementary school. Besides who doesn’t want the chance to Knock Off Tekken while Fanficing with Final Fantasy VII characters? It’s every person’s dream!

With characters like budget Barret (AKA Godhand), The Before Naruto Ninja Sasuke, and let’s not forget Discount Tae Kwon Do fighter man, how can you not be excited to see these guys come back from the brink of obscurity. And with Namco and Square companies still in existence and having much more major success with both fighting and Final Fantasy games since the PS1, I’m sure they’d love another shot at doing this game justice. Plus who doesn’t want to see their headcannon of Cloud’s strongest weapon truly being his fists? And as an added bonus, assets from the FFVII remake will go to good use because… hell we all know that is going to be floating around unfinished like Half-Life 3.

9. Parappa The Rappa

We all love the 90’s and all the games that came from it, music games top the charts as something we just couldn’t get enough of. Beatmania, Dance, Dance, Revolution, and the most well known of all revolving around a rap happy dog and a kung fu onion, known as Parappa The Rappa. 

The Kick, Punch Mastered Edition or Chop Chop reMastered edition could revitilize the music gaming scene since we haven’t had a proper Guitar Hero or Rock Band since 2015. While the graphics reworking wouldn’t take much since it was all paper thin characters and backdrops. We’ve seen Paper Mario come along way and if we just polished up the shine, add in some redone vocals, I’m sure the old voice actors could use the work, and you could capitalize on the wealth of nostalgia by making a hard copy remake could give Sony some much needed back catalog love.

8. PepsiMan

Video games need a new hero, or rather a hero revived. Someone who would save the world from not just evil, but from a craving so powerful it could rock the console market. I see it now, Pepsi man for the PS5 and Xbox One XYZ. A hero who goes to any length to satiate people’s thirst, on high fidelity Ultra 4K. Besides, Pepsi probably isn’t doing so hot in the Soda market and I’m sure they’d be up for a full on revival of the Soda Wars to try breathe life back into a long dead horse.

They could also use it as a chance to create a new logo, since they haven’t updated since god knows when. Make it ultra super heroic, shiny, and maybe even 3D so that those with 3D capable tvs could have it bouncing in their face. Mark down the price to maybe a $30 price tag, make it out to be a on rails shoot ’em up, instead of bullets and missiles, it would be cans and two liters. Having to dodge cars, 18 wheelers, while final bosses would be thirsty consumers. Give it a polish, and add some sort of vending machine mini games, and you got yourself one hell of a Remaster/Remake.

Wonder if someone should pitch this to RC Cola….

ffchocoremastered

7. Chocobo’s Mystery Dungeon

CMD has to be one of the highest requested FF games to be remade for current generations. FFVII and Kingdom Hearts 3 have left open a wide gap for Square to fill, so why not just give he fans what they want. Cloud Who? Sora Whaaaaat? Hell no, give me Chocobos and dungeon adventures! Give us that hyper realistic chibi chocobo dungeon crawling goodness. I don’t need 4K locks of hair and buster swords, I just want the remastered cave monsters.

Given the 2nd player mechanic with the monster partner, couch co-op can also make a grand return. And what better way to show a new generation just how amazing Final Fantasy can truly be, with the real star of the series, Chocobos and forcing kids to drop the phones and sit next to you playing this gem of a game.

6. Indigo Prophecy Remasterered

The rampant success of Heavy Rain and the upcoming title Detroit: Become Human, games with choice and quick time event hellzones still have a soft spot in gamer’s hearts. The insane cult game that induced many a hand cramp, as well as a headache, Indigo Prophecy by Quantic Dream had its shot at a remastered edition back in 2015 and it was… weeeeelllll…. it was more of a downgrade compared to the original release back in 2005. So they could use a shot at a come back to whet their appetite for a random culty button masher between now and Detroit as well as a chance to make up for past mistakes with the awful remaster.

Marketing it in a bundle with Heavy Rain and Beyond: Two Souls as a super collection could be a shot at getting a new generation playing all of their titles to date. Also who doesn’t want to see weird visions of crows and murder in HD 4K? Those blinding flashes sure will make you feel like your being possessed.

5. Area 51

The one I am referring to is not the one arcade cabinet, but the one staring big grey aliens, one in which he was voiced by Marilyn Manson and the protagonist who was voiced by David Duchovny. This kind of well liked game that garnered 8’s and 6’s is set for a comeback, in a way that we blew past the vampire and zombie craze and flow slowly back into the alien fad once more. We could use another “trying to hard to be edgy” game but we’re not quite at Shadow the Hedgehog levels.

The game was decent enough, but lacked a little high quality polish and some new mechanics but we can’t ask for perfection. So we take the polish, get a bit of a reprisal from Manson, but hell let’s have him play the entire cast outside of Duchovny. I say we call it the ReMansoned edition and see how well the sales do. This could be the start of a whole new voice actor movement. Who wouldn’t want Manson to play other characters, a Vampire from London, a recasted version of Conker from Conker’s Bad Fur Day? I’m game, I would love to hear that!

4. Army Men: Sarges Heroes

So trying to bring the nostalgia train hard and fast into the station, we should all take a look back at a game that was an interesting throwback to an old kids toy. You know, those things you could hold in your hand and were forced to make your own stories and fictitious battles with your mind? Yeah back in the dark ages as they call it. Well Army Men is primed and ready for a resurgence, to remind of simpler times, of times when green little men with plastic ballistic weapons shooting at other plastic enemies.

Just imagine the polish on those green men shining through your TV, and someone could tune of the audio a bit because I’m sure those who were cast are busy with to many, many other projects. Well Jim Cummings is pretty busy but I’m sure he could give some life to the old tired 90’s game series vocals. I’d buy a copy for me and 4 of my friends just to see it grace screens again.

aboutbuckintime

3. Buck Bumble

When I was a kid and picking a game for my N64, I walked down the game isle at my local store and glanced around the crowded shelf to find my next adventure. Mario64 and Legend of Zelda came to an end for me and I just needed to find the next big thing.

That’s when I found it, this badass bee with holding a gun and I knew from that moment I knew I would never forget the glorious story of Buck Bumble. When I think of Top 3 games I’d like to see remade or at the very best remastered I think of this gem. This armed bee flying around giant flowers, weird ass centipede like creatures to fight, and the ever present wasp threat, you have a recipe for gold. The upgrade in graphics might even shed some light on what some of the creatures you fight actually are, instead of flying green blobs. It would be a strong kick for Nintendo if they brought this to the Switch, we all know it might even increase the sales for it.

Add in a techno remix of “Bibidy Buck Bumble” main menu theme and it would just make money rain into Nintendo’s Pocket.

2. E.T. (Atari)

We all know this one was a garbage fire and almost single handedly killed the gaming market before it really became a thing but just let me stop you there. You look at any true great game and you’ll find a horrible creature of a beta project laying on the floor behind it screaming (kill me!). This is where I think Atari dropped the ball when they stopped at E.T. instead of trying to hit a sequel, slightly improving upon the worst parts of the first game.

Now they have a chance with the approaching release of Atari’s new console to get it right. Remaking E.T. would make the whole comeback come full circle with having this title tacked on at release. A second chance is hard to come by, and I’m sure that there are people who, in secret, just wished E.T. had turned out better or that it had more potential than anyone saw at the time of release.

It’s a blank slate going from 1982 to 2018, more than enough time has past and games have changed greatly. Keep the mechanics the same but turn the graphics up to 11 and you have yourself a cash grab for the true blue gamers.

I mean it’s not like the games industry could crash again…

madssbtu

1. Zero Wing (Mega Drive)

That’s right, the meme to start all meme’s involving all our bases and belonging to someone else.

Zero Wing the shoot ’em up that is only the least bit notable for the horrible dialogue that set the world ablaze with the only picture of a Cats that wasn’t playing the piano. The gameplay didn’t seem to have too many flaws but I truly believe a graphics upgrade could make this game something truly special. The kicker here is to keep the horrible dialogue and let the game shine for it’s merit as a shoot ’em up and let everyone has a laugh from the gloriously bad script.

With a graphics overhaul, comes new character models and I have a suggestion for Cats and the Captain. Captain should be played by Norman Reedus and Cats should be Mads Mikkelsen. That’s right stealing the dream team from Death Stranding and asking them to play the roles for at least one or two sessions, before just focusing on the gameplay. Have them record a few lines, do a few bits of motion capture and boom, instant profit.

Just imagine, All your Cash are belong to Mads

Indulging Me

So if you haven’t figured it out, this just happened to be a joke list. My real list is as follows, in short form.

10. Crash Team Racing

9. Jak and Daxter Collection (Again)

8. Time Splitters

7. Soul Reaver

6. Knights of The Old Republic

5. Jet Set Radio

4. Jade Empire

3. Odd World Strangers Wrath

2. Red Faction (Original)

1. Donkey Kong Country

I would go into detail but I think that maybe that’s a in depth article for another time. So what weird games would you least like to see remade/remastered? Which ones would you want to see? Leave a comment below or tweet me @ReedicusRex

-RR

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